music right now: 'all the things she said (remix)' by t.A.T.u.
well, i'm out of here for a few days. i'll give you all the details when i get back.
-ciao, c.
...
posted at 8:30 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
music right now: 'the trick is to keep breathing' by garbage
i wrote another poem. i don't know if i like this one, but oh well. here it is:
spent energy
i'll fall apart with you
at the edge of the world;
do you feel it washing down
upon us? the ice stands still
below our feet, the northern
lights overhead, and i step
to the edge, ready to plunge
into the darkness; its blanket
of stars is as comforting as
a womb - the stars are our
mother, and you smother me;
affection, affectation, i release
your hand, feel a cold rush
of air and drop into the
heavens like a stone.
- if i drop, will you
drop with me? my lips seem to say
caress my body of stars and
ignore my crown of thorns;
lay on this celestial bed
with me, and look at
the sea surrounding us;
its cold but so is your
gase;
i wrap myself in the
frigid blanket and drift
off as your eyes go nova;
shower me with spent
energy i say; enrapture
me in a cosmic event;
implode or explode, our suns
collide and we are stardust
again
btw, i know, i use semi-colons in the wrong context a lot.
...
posted at 1:04 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, February 24, 2003
music right now: 'darkest dreaming' by david sylvian
this is such a sad song. its from an episode of 'c.s.i.' and vicky and i sat there with our mouths open fighting back the tears. it was so sad the scene it was from.
anyway, its five in the morning and i should be sleeping. but its reading week and i don't give a toss, so i'm up, attempting to download episodes of coupling and eating ramen noodles with chopsticks. i'm tired right now. like i feel like i'm spinning in a circle sometimes, just waiting to be ill enough to vomit so i can stop. argh. no, thats not what i wanted to say. i just want t have everything be alright for once. like i so want to write right now, but i can't. i just don't have any urge to, which is essential for me. like at the worst times i can write heaps, but now i am empty. oi. i need some inspiration, hence what this song is meant to do.
...
posted at 5:05 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Sunday, February 23, 2003
music right now: 'j'en ai marre' by alizée
so, i have found the gay twin of my brother. it was creepy. there was this guy at unity who was cute, and he looked like my bro, only a few centimetres shorter. it was soooooo fucking odd. but ya. and omg, my friend anthony got with this guy rob salerno. like i don't mind rob, he can be a really nice guy, but he can also be a big shit disturber sometimes, which all the power to him, but its a little much. anyway, they got together and it was funny watching them snog. i've never seen anthony with anyone, so it was definitely out of the ordinary, but good for him :-) ah, unity. much fun was had. i danced like a slut. i thought of lauro when they played 'all the things she said' (which mike and i missed most of), 'work it', and 'i drove all night'. i felt hot, i was snobby and i looked good. wow.
ooh, this really fat twat was squishing my little body against the wall when mike and i were dancing on the stage, and i was saved by this guy jean-phillipe. i was <---this---> close to losing my temper and chucking a spaz on his ass (the fat bloke). thank god i was saved!
...
posted at 3:17 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, February 22, 2003
i'm drunk off australian wine and i found this somewhere. enjoy!
01. name - clinton
02. date of birth - 30 july, 1983
03. age - 19
04. sex - male
05. height - 174 cm
06. location - montreal, quebec, canada
07. hair color - black
08. eye color - hazel
09. sexual preference - well, i'm a homosexual, and if you hadn't realised that by now....
now onto the questions...
01. what do you think of cheerleading - its cute. i wish i had a chance to do it in high school
02. favorite disney character - none. i despise disney. them and all their lemming killing henchmen (long story).
03. what brand of deodorant do you use - ck one
04. of the people you've kissed, who was the worst kisser ? - karl for certain. i wish to keep my lips, not have them bitten off
05. do you know anyone who you think is homosexual but say they aren't - ya, i'm looking straight at you jude law lol
06. do you know anyone who is homosexual - um, ya. what a bloody stupid question
07. do you know anyone who is bisexual - yeah
08. do you know anyone named leroy - ewww, no
09. do you like pickles - on occasion
10. do you have a website - yes. you are on it right now.. this brings up a whole other crazy dilemma
11. do you watch porn - um, no.
12. are you black - a little bit, but you can't tell
13. are you an ocean lover - never seen one
14. who are you gonna vote for - say what??
15. do you have your own phone line - yes. that comes with living alone
16. your thoughts on abortion - i am pro-choice and frankly all the pro-life people can lick my ass because they're murders anyway eating meat and shite
17. do you like britney spears - yes, but she's no kylie/dannii minogue
18. do you wanta britney doll - no, but if there was a kylie doll i would have it
19. what do you want for christmas - to go to paris
20. do you have your 2 front teeth - um ya, i'm not some bogan who live in a caravan with his sister
21. what do you want to do with your life - write a lot, love a lot, drink a lot of australian wine, see the world :-)
22. ever been butt naked bangin' on the bathroom floor - no. that would be very uncomfortable
23. would you ever get plastic surgery, if so, on what - my nose.
24. biggest redneck you know - haaaaaaaaaa, its so hard to choose one
25. last time you went to a skating rink - a long long time ago. i think it was when i was still with mike and we went to his floor fellow's figure skating show (it was fun :-) )
26. last time you went to a bowling alley - grade 12
27. what perfume / cologne do you wear - ck one. i want jean paul gautier fragile
28. do you think foreign accents are sexy - ooooh ya. aussies, brits, irish, swiss, spanish, russians, south africans, aussies (i had to repeat because they are just so hot) and kiwis. all sooooooooooooooooooo hot
29. do you like jell-o - no
30. do you like hot dogs - ewwwwwwwwwww, no
31. brand of toothpaste - aquafresh
32. last time you went to the doctor - january
33. do you think ricky martin is gay - ya
34. do you think tractors are sexy - eww, no
35. do you have a credit card - yes
36.do you love your mom - my god, of course :-)
37. do you love your mom as much as norman bates did in PSYCHO - nope
38. ever taken ballet - i really wish i had
39. favorite juice - orange, banana and orange
40. last time you used the restroom - i never use them. ever. i have three colostomy bags attached to me at all times... well, that would be nasty if i did. ewwww.
41. do you have any diseases - not that i know of
omg, i cannot believe it - bic runga is getting airplay in north america. hell truly has frozen over! i love her and i totally never expected anyone outside of oz or nz to have even heard of her. wow!
...
posted at 5:04 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i'm going on the record now and saying this - i LOVE the cardigans, and have been waiting for their new album forever. and now i've got the new single... and i'm very happy with it. its a very interesting song. just the sounds and vibe. i love it. (btw, its called 'for what its worth'). its no 'erase/rewind', but certainly better than that shite tune 'lovefool'. hurrah!
...
posted at 12:45 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'sleeping with ghosts' by placebo
i'm so good right now, and its such a nice feeling. today was a bad day, and i ended up falling asleep and a bunch of other crap happened, but i talked to lauro which was nice, and i chilled with mike late tonight. i feel like i'm a lot closer with him now, which makes me feel great because i've missed him for a while now. like we just talked and went for a walk and then watched 'sex and the city' and i just feel a lot better. its times like this that make me so glad to have great friends and to be alive in general.
i'm not going to minneapolis for reading week. i can't. i have had the worst feeling about it all day today, and i just cannot do it. i've never ever had this feeling before, so i am listening to it and staying here. i'll write more later.
...
posted at 1:38 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
music right now: 'centrefolds' by placebo
so i emailed a poem for this exhibition called 'fire with water'. basically its about sexual assault and i wrote a poem for it. its such a hard topic for me to talk about, so needless to say i am not going to go into any specifics, but yes, i have been raped, and i wrote about it. i hope my poem makes it in. i'm not going to post it, because i am still dealing with issues and stuff, but ya, its sooo hard to talk about right now. its been like eight months since it happened, but in ways i feel worse about it now than i did then...
...
posted at 3:02 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
oooh, our budget this year is really really good. canada is the sole G8 nation to have a budget surplus this year, which is good, and they are putting like $35 billion into healthcare over the next five years. this is super important. and they are putting money into the military, so i guess thats ok.
...
posted at 4:13 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
so i have placebo's new album off of kazaa. i feel a little like i cheated, but big deal. i've been waiting for forever for this album. seriously, its a bigger event for me than if kylie was releasing a new album (and for anyone who knows me and how much i love kylie, that's a huge deal), so this is pretty big. i'm slightly disappointed, because i was kind of expecting another 'black market music', but there are some definite stand out tracks that i love already. they are:
a) the bitter end
b) something rotten
c) english summer rain
d) sleeping with ghosts
e) centrefolds, and
f) special needs
so i guess overall its a good album, but i still have to hear it a few more times to say how much i like it.
...
posted at 4:10 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'silver lining' by amanda ghost
i feel strange right now. i had a great conversation with lauro a little while ago, and it makes me happy to hear his voice again. he's such an interesting person and i am so glad to know him right now. i needed to find someone who was different, and he's exactly that. but right now i just feel like getting in a car and driving somewhere, anywhere, just to have the feeling of not knowing where i will end up. i think i want to do that this summer - take like two weeks, get some people together, and just drive. see where we go. end up nowhere, take pictures, talk, have fun, see some of this continent. it would be great. people say life is like a road - i think its bullshit. the road always ends up somewhere, and you can see it clearly in front of you. life has no set course.
i also want to just be with lauro and get to know him a lot more. like we already know a lot about each other, but there is so much more i want to know about him. he fascinates me and i just want to be able to see him for everything he is. as of now i really like what i see, and thats awesome. he's great. but the distance sucks. oh well, joy is fleeting. i may not see him right now, but i will again :-)
...
posted at 12:20 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, February 17, 2003
music right now: 'try, try, try' by the smashing pumpkins
i am no longer single. but since i am exhausted and don't feel like writing a massive post at the moment, that shall wait for tomorrow. so, i am off to bed, but first i will look at the pictures lauro and i took in the metro last night. :-)
...
posted at 1:09 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Sunday, February 16, 2003
music right now: 'all the things she said (extension 119 club mix)' by t.A.T.u.
this weekend was amazing. so, i am left here, empty apartment, cold, tired, sad, and i just feel way too mixed up and not sure what i should do. where do i go from here?
lauro got here friday night and we went to the spirit lounge, this crazy restaurant in the village, with ariel, vicky, mike, and his boyfriend joe. so that was an interesting experience. the food was really good and i was drunk before we started eating (they served us cocktails before the meal), but it was fucking expensive! i cannot believe i spent $45 on a single meal. i'm never going back there again, despite the fact that vicky seems to think we will.
so lauro and i were going to go to unity, but by the time we got out of the restaurant it was 1.30(!) in the morning, so we came back here and watched 'wonderland' and just relaxed and cuddled and stuff.
yesterday we got up, got some breakfast from provigo and went shopping a bit. we were going to look for a tank top for lauro, but we couldn't find one he wanted. but i think he saw one at abercrombie in ithaca that he wants, so thats cool. we ate subway for supper (hurrah for cheap food!) and rented 'my big fat greek wedding', which was really cute. there are a few things from it that we found really funny. and then we went to unity and danced the night away...
we got up this morning, he took a shower, and i walked him to the hotel where the people he came up with were staying. so, its been about an hour since i've seen him and i don't know what to think. i am so just blah right now and i can't help but feeling sad and missing him. i wish we had more time. i wish that we lived closer to one another. i really like this guy. i haven't like anyone like this is a really long time. after nick i was kind of in pieces, but then i got over that and found lauro. and now he's gone back to cornell and i don't know when i will see him again. my apartment feels so empty right now without him. my life feels a little empty without him. i don't know.... i just need to go back to bed and wake up later. but i don't think i will.... it feels empty.
...
posted at 1:04 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Friday, February 14, 2003
music right now: 'spiegel im spiegel' by arvo pärt
i deleted that ugly ass pic i had of sheila copps. it was just too annoying. anyway...
today has been a fucking long day and it started off really well, but kind of got dragged down by a few things. i got paid, and lauro is coming tonight (its sooo early. my god i should be sleeping), but a lot has been on my mind and i just need to take some time to write it down and sort it out before i sleep.
i got a lot done today, for the first time in a while. that was great. laundry, school work, essay thesis', etc... it was nice. but i guess i've been questioning a lot lately the motivations and feelings some people have. like i dated mike last year, and i wasn't sure if us becoming good friends again was any sort of hint that he wanted to get back together with me. i totally took it wrong (he doesn't), but i am happy i didn't ask him about it. i just feel odd. like what if it had been? like i still have deep down feelings for him, and i probably always will. he was the first person i ever said 'i love you' to, and i still mean it to today, but in a different way. i love him as a friend. he is an amazing person. and i hope him all the best in the world and i hope i get to be there for some of the better moments he has here (in university, and maybe beyond), but i don't think i could ever put myself into a relationship with him again. i love him dearly, but i don't know.. i'm so conflicted over this. like i would never ask him out again, but if he ever asked me out... i don't think i would or could say no. just being near him and around him makes me feel happy, even if i am not with him. i feel we have a lot in common, and i there are certain things that i find in him that i haven't found elsewhere, and don't think i will. he's great. he's amazing. and i'm glad i know him... so why do i feel so conflicted and torn at the moment?
lauro is coming today. i am so happy, but inside i am nervous and i feel like throwing up with that anxiety. i won't of course, but i just don't know what is going to happen. i truly hope this is a great weekend, and i can't wait to see him again and find out where this is leading. i need to be pointed in a direction instead of standing here looking at all the forks in the road and wondering 'where next?'.
where next? indeed. i think i may go to paris with vicky at this time next year for a term. i have had a feeling of wanting to go to paris, and now i have the opportunity. i should run with it, shouldn't i? i won't go to london this summer, but instead go to paris next chrismas holidays and take classes for the winter term. that would be amazing. vicky is very gung ho about the idea. i just need to talk to my mum and see what we can work out, because if i save this summer and next fall, i could do it. so, will it be bon voyage clinton, have fun in paris?! we shall soon see.
i am reminded of the movie 'heaven' right now, mainly because i am listening to music from the soundtrack. if you haven't seen this movie, you must. its absolutely fantastic. cate blanchett is so mesmerising and beautiful in it. she's so delicate, yet underneath that is an iron core. she's probably the best actress alive right now i believe. but i just keep thinking no matter what happens in my day or my week, i keep wanting to come back to the point of finding love, finding that person who i can be with forever and never worry about how they feel, knowing that they feel the same and its not just me wishing. i want to find that person, and i may be impatient at times, but i hope its coming. i can feel it coming in the ground, its rhythmic thumping. its barely audible, but its coming. i just have to wait for it. when nick broke up with me i was scared that i was losing the one person i was going to be with, the one person i thought i loved. i loved him, but he never loved me. it wasn't true love. it was unrequited love on a certain level. i need to feel something right now. i need to feel that i matter, that this writing isn't falling on deaf ears. i need to hold onto a shoulder in the dark; to realise that i am not the only one stumbling around in plato's cave. i need to feel something. i feel melancholie - same as always. and now i must sleep. the morning is fast approaching and i feel like i shall fall over from exhaustion.
-to steal a line from '24 hour party people', and coincidentally mike's livejournal, 'and so it goes'... i plagiarise, but i love.
...
posted at 3:58 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Thursday, February 13, 2003
i am hoping sheila copps win the leadership race. GO SHEILA!!!!!!!
...
posted at 7:15 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
thats it, i'm boycotting american idol. they kicked frenchie davis out because she posed topless a few years ago. what a fucking load of shit! nikki mckibbon last series was a stripper. how come she wasn't booted? they're afraid because a bigger girl was going to kick all those skinny little bitches back to where they belong. i am fucking pissed about this. i cannot believe it!
...
posted at 1:59 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i am going to have to seriously chastise my grandmother - she got me addicted to 'the bold and the beautiful'. i have no idea, but this soap draws me in. i cannot believe that massimo is ridge's father! ahhh! i never knew that. and that conversation between thomas and bridget in which he tells her that him and his sisters miss her and pleads for her to come over, so sad *little tear*. i cannot believe i am actually watching this show. its such a compulsion!
...
posted at 1:47 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
i have officially gotten 'asereje' out of my head... with alizée. i loved her song from like a year and a half ago called 'moi... lolita'. and shes releasing a new single i think this week or next week in france called 'j'en ai marre'. its sooooooooooooooooooo good. like i know a lot of people won't here it because its french, but i love it anyway!
...
posted at 1:40 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
well, asereje (the ketchup song) is officially the most fucking addictive song ever. this song is like a rock of pure crack, i swear. its no good for you at all but it gets inside your head and you can't stop listening no matter what you do. its suuuuuucccccccccckkkkkkkeeeeeeeeddd me in! ahh! and now i know the little dance that goes with it, so thats even worse!
...
posted at 11:56 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
my new favourite quote - 'if a tree falls in the forest and no-one is around to hear it, what's the point?' - janeane garofalo
...
posted at 2:38 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i am in such awe of janeane garofalo right now. she is incredibly articulate, smart and i totally would love to be her best friend :-) but she is on vicky gabareau (love her show), and i just love the way she talks. she's soooooooooooooooooo great!
...
posted at 2:32 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'atmosphere' by joy division
i talked for a while with mike tonight on AIM and i am so happy to just know that he is there again. i missed him for such a long while and i'm happy that we are talking more and i just feel like i am finding a friend all over again. i always felt like there were things i could share with him that i could not with most other people, and its nice to know that i can do that again..
...
posted at 12:23 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, February 10, 2003
oh some guy randomly gave me his number last night. he was cute, but not only did i barely say more than two words to him, i also did not show any interest in him. for one he looks like he's sixteen. thats a little young. two, i wasn't looking for anyone. fuck, why is it when you hav someone you are interested in and they are interested back and everything is working out that you are suddenly the hottest thing under the sun. ugh, guys are falling out of the sky. needless to say, i didn't call him.
...
posted at 2:03 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'the bitter end' by placebo
i am feeling like i've been punched in the stomach by emotion. what the fuck? i read something and i just don't know what to think or how to feel or what. i don't know anymore.... like you know when something might happen and you've been through it before and you know it will end the same way and yet you can't stop yourself from doing it and falling into it and all that? well, thats how i feel. perhaps i am reading between the lines of something that does not exist, or maybe i am seeing clearly right now. either way, i don't know what to do.
i can't wait to see lauro again. i miss his face. i can't clearly picture him in my mind, which is scary. like i know when i see him i'm going to jump on him and kiss him and feel so good all over again. i just need to get to that point...
...
posted at 1:40 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
current obsession - i want this sooooooooooooo bad. fuck, i hate stupid compact discs. they suck ass.
...
posted at 1:22 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Friday, February 07, 2003
i'm two hours late, but HAPPY WAITANGI DAY NEW ZEALAND!!
...
posted at 2:18 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Wednesday, February 05, 2003
music right now: 'high and dry' by radiohead
haven't heard this song in the longest time. well, today was a long time. russian test went really really well. i can see myself becoming more and more fluent in it as time goes by. its great.
but ya, i am conflicted right now - i really really like lauro a lot. i want to be with him. but what happens if we develop into a long distance relationship? i've heard so many people say they don't work and so on and it seems like i'm constantly being warned, but i just don't think i care. he's different than most guys i've met recently and i really think this could be really amazing, so i guess i'm gonna just take it day by day and see how it goes. i just have such a mass of different emotions floating around inside me at the moment and i don't know how to feel half the time. he's coming here for the valentines day weekend which makes me sooooo happy and i know it will be an amazing weekend. i have to find something cool for us to do on that friday (valentines day). after all, this will be my first valentines day with someone.
i just feel odd right now. like i miss seeing his face and his smile. i don't know how its possible that i could be so into him in the short time that we met, but it was just so intense and good and i don't dare question the logic of it because i don't want it to disappear. and as the song goes 'how i wish you were here....'.
well, i was wrong. it turns out that HMV stands for his master's voice (which used to be an old record label according to daniel).
...
posted at 1:38 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, February 03, 2003
music right now: 'in my secret life' by leonard cohen
i'm bored. survey. :-P (i nicked it from mikey's livejournal)
1. LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? by myself in my crummy flat
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? 'porno' by irvine welsh and 'the ragazzi' by pier paolo pasolini
3. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't use one
4. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? scotland yard
5. FAVORITE SMELLS? ck one, jean paul gautier fragile, a certain boy i met :-), and the smell after it rains
6. FAVORITE SOUND? the sound of rain on the roof, chill trip hop music, someone beside me when i'm sleeping
7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? having to say goodbye to someone you just met but want to be with
8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? i usually have a song in my head. it happens pretty much every morning - like today it was 'here to stay' by new order
9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? blue, black, white, silver
10. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? usually one or two
11. NAME OF YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN? boy - thatcher or ronan; girl - eilish, lucia, or alice
12. MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE? finding someone special who you can share everything with and never have to worry about being judged
13. FAVORITE FOODS? vegetarian lasagna, vegetarian sushi
14. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? both have upsides
15. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? i can't drive
16. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? on occasion. it depends how i feel and whether i just want something to hold onto
17. STORMS - COOL OR SCARY? love them
18. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST KIND OF CAR? n/a
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE? right now i'm thinking either virginia woolf, kylie minogue, or sir ian mckellen
20. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? smirnoff ice, long island ice tea, and occasionally mexican beer such as sol and corona
21. YOUR BIRTH DATE? 30 july, 1983
22. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? leo
23. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM (CD)? ( ) by sigur rós, or 'this is my truth tell me yours' by the manic street preachers
24. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes, who would eat only the gross tops if they couldn’t eat the friggin bottoms?!
25. ANY JOB, WHAT WOULD IT BE? i would be a travel writer or a rock star
26. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yes. its such an amazing feeling, but not the easiest thing to contain
27. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? i hate this question. why does it have to be either? why can't the glass be both at the same time?
28. FAVORITE MOVIE? the hours, the sweet hereafter, solaris, but right now i am so into 24 hour party people
29. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? no
30. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? course work
31. FAVORITE NUMBER? 6
32. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? none really, though i am impartial to figure skating
33. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS: no one sent this to me, so :-P
1. WHAT (OR WHO) MAKES YOU ENVIOUS? people who are with the person they know they will spend the rest of their life with because they make it look so easy (though i know it isn't)
2. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT NOW? i want to be laying around with lauro listening to music and talking
3. DO YOU WANT A GOOD JOB OR A GOOD LIFE? life. fuck a job. a job is something you have to do but don't enjoy. i want to do what i love, and i won't call it a job
4. WHAT'S YOUR BODY TRYING TO SHOW YOU? that its attached to my mind and i cannot get away from it no matter how hard i try
5. WHAT FEELS NATURAL? god, i'm gonna sound obsessed, but talking with lauro because i don't have to force anything, which is something i haven't felt with a guy in a while
6. WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY TELL YOU? that they are proud of me, which annoys me to no end because i sometimes feel like i am not doing what i want to be doing, but what they want me to do
7. WHAT SHOULD YOU WEAR? what the fuck kind of question is this????
8. WHO ARE YOUR HEROES? well, i always cite sir ian mckellen and kylie minogue because they are so strong and they look like they have having a ball with what they are doing with their lives, but in the end i guess anyone who leads there lives and are completely happy would be my heroes
9. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS SAY? that i am crazy lol. i have no idea
10. WHAT ABOUT MONEY? money is ok, but it doesn't ever buy happiness. its just another drug that makes people high for a while, but in the end just leads to a comedown
11. ARE YOU BEING FAIR TO YOURSELF? (WHAT YOU THINK YOU WANT TO BE VS. WHO YOU ALREADY ARE) oh not in the least bit. i am so hard on myself because i know there are certain things that i can do that i don't because its easier to avoid confrontation or things like that. in the end i guess i just have to work on going for what i want and not taking things for granted
...
posted at 9:18 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'more and more' by the captain hollywood project
i feel old - café campus now has a retro 90s night. ahhhhhhh!
...
posted at 3:27 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i bought the dvd of '24 hour party people' last friday and finally watched it yesterday. it was sooooooo good. i love the director (michael winterbottom). i've seen 'wonderland' and 'welcome to sarajevo' which are fantastic movies, and he just keeps on making unique and special films, and this one is no exception. the best thing is that its sooo self-conscious that it is a film. like the actors are all portraying real people, but they aren't meant to be the people but rather characters of these people. that i found interesting because most movies tend to want us to suspend our disbelief and believe the people being presented to us are the actual thing. there are certain points in the film where the whole illusion of seeing the story as if it was really happening is shattered by what the character says, but this just adds to the atmosphere of the film, not the opposite. and the music is absolutely amazing. like i love joy division and new order already, but this movie just added to that. its a totally unique, amazingly put together mess of a movie (and i mean mess in the best way possible).
...
posted at 3:10 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'feel' by robbie williams
hmm... i'm beginning to think i'm becoming a guppy (aka gay yuppie). i eat everything with chop sticks and drink bottled water and a bunch of other things... damnit, my mother was right.
...
posted at 1:02 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Sunday, February 02, 2003
just a little note - anyone who has me on AIM, i have changed my name. its now mileovrmelbourne.
...
posted at 4:56 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'with or without you' by hamish cowan
well, yesterday was one of the better days i've had in a LONG LONG LONG time. i woke up at like one, and lauro called me (the guy i met at unity the night before). so, we went for coffee and chatted for like three hours. it was really nice 'cos i found that i could talk with him for the longest time about anything and it wasn't awkward, which is sometimes a problem for me. then i went out to celebrate chinese new year with vicky, ariel, mike and joe, which was okay, but i kind of wanted to see lauro again. anyway, we has said that we were gonna go to unity that night, so i brought my friends and we went. it was sooooo much fun. i saw lauro and we hung out for the rest of the night until 11.00 this morning, when i walked him back to his hotel. i really really like him. he's smart, funny, really really cute, and just fun to be around. of course its not like anything can happen because he goes to cornell. ugh, that kind of annoys me how the one guy i find at unity in the longest time that i like doesn't even live here. but oh well, i'm so happy i met him. its what i needed right now, i think. i guess it just gives me hope for the future that everything isn't as bleak as it can seem sometimes.
...
posted at 4:07 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, February 01, 2003
music right now: 'heaven coming down' by the tea party
i am in a bit of a state of shock right now, and for an odd reason (well, odd to most people). a space shuttle blew up today upon reentry. this freaked me out just a little bit when i heard it, why i am not sure. i think because one of the first things i can remember was the challenger disaster and my mum crying, so it sort of brings that memory back. i don't know. it just puts things into a different perspective. i keep finding situations that remind me of my own mortality as of late. its as if i'm becoming more and more aware of the fact that life hangs on a thread and it can go either way - one slip up and its over...
well i went to unity last night with mikey and some of his friends. it was pretty good. the best part was just chilling with mike beforehand because i haven't really hung out with him in FOREVER and i realised how much i miss that. my last term in school i was so fucking busy finding myself and shit that some friendships i had sort of disappeared and became nods whenever i see them. i need to stop that. i'm sick of losing people 'cos i'm so self involved.
and anyway at unity i kind of met a really cute guy - one problem, he goes to cornell. that totally sucks, but oh well. i guess thats life. the bad thing is i think one of mike's friends, eric, liked me and i like him. he's in one of my classes and stuff, but he made no sign that he wanted to dance or anything like that, so what was i to do? i know, i probably should have made a move, alas i didn't. then i saw the other guy looking at me so i went for it. now i feel like a bit of a cunt. ya.
Reading: The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism
Naomi Klein God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
Christopher Hitchens Copenhagen
Time Out City Guides
Seeing: Juno
Jason Reitman Annie Hall
Woody Allen There Will Be Blood
Paul Thomas Anderson
Listening to: Boxer
The National The Fountain: OST
Clint Mansell In Rainbows
Radiohead
