ugh, my mum made fun of me for listening to the carpenters. she was like 'omg, you are sooooooooooooo old!' and its true! lol i hate growing up.
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posted at 1:35 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
is it just me, or is the version of 'we've only just begun' from the broken hearts club different than the original version?
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posted at 12:50 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music: 'more and more' by the captain hollywood project
good old early '90s dance music. gotta love it.
so, i feel fantastic this morning. i had the most bizarre dream last night. for some reason i was still looking for an apartment, and there ended up being a space for a floor fellow in this more res that was somehow referred to as 'hippie house', and i ended up being the floor fellow even though there were no hippies in the house. it was odd. and i gave like a floor speech and it was good. i remember mentioning that i was gay to them and that if they saw a guy around that they didn't recognise that it was my boyfriend. the funny thing was, i don't know who he was. i don't recall ever putting a face to the notion. that brings me back to the break up...
so, i feel good about where lauro and i stand. for some reason i woke up and the song 'we've only just begun' by the carpenters was in my head. thats not a happy song in most terms, but i wasn't and am not sad at all. i feel odd. i feel good odd. its not an end to us. like with my other boyfriends when we broke up it felt like an ending to something. i have no idea if lauro and i will ever get back together, but it doesn't feel like an end to us, whether its as friends or more. i remember this quote: 'if you love someone, let them go. if they are truly yours, they'll come back'. i sort of feel that way. i don't love him like that i, well i don't know, i have so many different emotions right now, but i have to focus on myself and how i feel for a while, and i know that if we are meant to be it will be. we've only just begun...
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posted at 12:04 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'english summer rain' by placebo
single again. its a strange feeling. back at square one. but i don't feel shitty right now. i feel like crying, but its not because i am depressed, i just feel like crying because i let so much out tonight that this is sort of a final act that will give me a sense of peace. i don't know what to write, but somewhere in side me a voice is saying 'write, write, write'. this relationship i had with lauro was soooo good. i felt content whenever i was with him, and we're friends, so he isn't going anywhere, and neither am i. with nick i knew i could never really be friends with him right after breaking up, but with lauro its completely different. everything is... well, everything is as it should be. so, i'm available.. any takers? lol JUST JOKING. no, i don't want anything right now. i want to be myself, just have fun (safe and non-sexual), and enjoy my summer. who knows what the future holds. things have a funny way of working out in the least expected ways... i keep on coming back to this line from 'sleeping with ghosts' by placebo: 'soulmates never die'. i am not saying we are soulmates, lauro and i, but if we are meant to be together, not now but in the future, then it will happen. i just should let life go and enjoy the ride.
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posted at 2:17 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
and dubya has finally done something smart. now my only question is why his administration was not present at the world AIDS conference in barcelona last year if now he is not tying this aid to abstinance?
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posted at 7:30 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
well, my exam is going to be deferred until part way through may, so that is good. i am happy because now i won't fail spanish and flunk out of school and die a poor old man rotting in a shoebox beneath the jacques cartier bridge.
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posted at 11:05 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i am a BIG FUCKING TWAT. i cannot believe it, i managed to sleep through the first little bit of my spanish final, so now i am scrambling to try to get it deferred so i don't fucking fail the course. SHIT!
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posted at 9:51 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, April 28, 2003
mmmm after five hours of sleep, which were eventful in quite an unusual way (very vivid dreams), i am up and dreading the fact that i must study so much shit for spanish tomorrow. someone beat me with a spoon now.
so ya, last night/this morning was soooooo much fun. i have not gone clubbing in the longest time and felt that sort of excitement. usually i go and am either a little too drunk or a little to not in the mood, so there i was with ian, attempting to get guys to buy us drinks/drugs, and in exchange we would do nothing for them. except dance together and make it look like we wanted them. that was funny. there was this really nasty guy who wore a sweater (who wears a fucking sweater to unity??!) that looked like it was from mexx and cargo pants that looked like they were from wal-mart. what a twat.
so, we were on the main floor and we saw this guy with a stereo logo tatoo, and ended up talking to him. he turned out to be really cool, especially when he went off for a few minutes and came back with smirnoff ice's for us :-) that was unexpected to say the least. anyway, then this semi-sketchy black guy was dancing with us and i proceeded to spend at least half an hour guessing what he was on. i'm probably thinking either ghb or speed, but i'm leaning towards the former rather than the latter.
at one point i was sitting on a speaker and i saw this really cute guy who looked a lot like ben (robert gant) from queer as folk, only not so muscle-y. of course i didn't do anything, that would be bad, but still it was nice to see someone aside from creepy old men. oh!, speaking of which, there was this guy dancing behind ian, and i had no idea how drunk he was, but at one point he went to leave the dance floor and did a u turn and smacked right into a speaker. it was sooooooo funny. he then wandered of stage staggering and swaying. stupid drunk old man.
so, as we are leaving the guy who bought us a drink, ryan, asks us if we want to hang out. he didn't look sketchy one bit, so we were like 'sure'. he lives like right across the street from mado in the village! such a cool location. and such a huge apartment! makes me cringe at how much i will be paying for my share of my new apartments rent. scandalous :-( so ya, we sat around, listened to house music (it turns out he's a dj at a pub in the old port), did speed, sat around some more, and then we had coffee (i had two cups, and considering i never ever drink coffee that was a shit load of caffeine in me). so at like 9.30 he drove us home 'cos i had to get my take-home final to the porters office in the arts building before noon. so as i was walking into my building a guy was coming out, and being as out of it as i was he scared the shit out of me and i screamed in his face. like it wasn't a loud scream, but i definitely startled him. well serves him right for coming out as i was going in. like some people.... lol j/k
so ya, the take home was safely dropped off, and i got some sleep, and now i am shuddering at the amount of spanish i need to cram into my mind by tomorrow. fucking hell. but i must say i would not take back last night for anything. i don't care how tired i am right now, but it was a hell of a lot of fun. adventures like that are always great. i swear, i don't think i've had a bad time clubbing with ian, and it was so nice to chill with him again. chris and john disappeared really early (they were utterly and completely trashed), so it was just the two of us which was cool. ohhh, i couldn't believe it, but chris somehow in his drunkeness snuck into sheena hershey's dressing room and stole this little fuzzy tigers head. it was so random. such is my life - random, but thats part of the fun of it.
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posted at 3:25 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
hehehe well then, that was an interesting night. speed and two cups of coffee definitely are an interesting way to bookend a night at unity along with slogging my way through a take-home final. well then, i am incapable of having a normal conversation and i am going to drink more pineapple juice. blahhhhhhhhhh!
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posted at 10:12 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Sunday, April 27, 2003
i overreact sometimes. like i don't scream at people or things such as that, but i just get really angry or sad when i don't necessarily have a reason to. take last night - my conversation with lauro on AIM. i was feeling a little crappy at the time, and the conversation was not what i guess i was in the mood for, so it made me feel like crap. ugh, i should just not worry so much.
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posted at 5:00 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i just had a conversation with lauro and he was drunk. i feel like shit. i'm going to bed. don't wake me.
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posted at 2:59 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'here comes the flood' by peter gabriel
well, i have one more exam left and then i am finished this school year. so, since i am going to be busy over the next few days with packing up my apartment, my spanish exam, work, and all that shite, this might be my last post for a while. i feel weird right now. this year has been so difficult for me in many ways. last september i was with nick. i had no idea how our relationship was going to survive the school year. it didn't. it survived two months before collapsing in a very bad way. i haven't talked to him all that much since. i told him i needed time to get over him. i did that. but i didn't mean a lifetime. i want to be friends with him.
school went from being just a game in first year to actually meaning something. i had to choose a programme and take courses that would affect the rest of my life. i took queer history which was incredible and was one of the best courses i've taken in my life. the english lit courses i took were required, so it wasn't really anything i was super interested in. i stupidly took spanish even though i have very little interest in the language. and russian. i love it, but i get so frustrated with it sometimes.
november and december sucked. i for some reason always look forward to the beginning of winter. this winter lasted far too long and got too me in many ways. i broke down and when i was in alberta for chistmas i spent three or four days walking around crying inside. that was hard. the roadtrip to red deer was a nice reprieve from the monotony of fort saskatchewan, but it raised more questions then it answered. i felt used in a way, and i felt good in a way. too many questions not enough answers so little time to realise and find out what everything meant. i still don't know. i was and still am confused.
back here in january things fell apart in a different way. i got sick, and that screwed up my school term. i didn't read enough for my courses, and i did very little work in spanish. i'm still catching up and i only have one final left. school is leading me somewhere i think, where that is i don't know. i applied for a poetry workshop, and was rejected. rejection burns like acid upon my soul. i have holes.
february. i met lauro. that was the most intense night of my life. i have never ever felt that way about anyone at first sight. meeting him the following day for coffee made me realise how much we have in common. he is dear to me, in what way i don't know. i wonder sometimes what he is doing. if he is happy. if he is smiling that little smile he always does. it makes me smile.
and now i am moving out. my solitude in this apartment is almost at an end. i can't wait to see the light of day again. this confinement has darkened a part of me. i can't ever live alone again. isolation is death. i am by no means a solitary creature. i hate being alone. i don't care who i am with (not in a relationship sense, but in a general sense), i don't want to be left alone with myself. it gives me too much time to hate myself.
there are boxes in my cupboard filled with books. laundry sits on my futon. garbage is piled in the kitchen dust bin. i am cleaning out my mind, the little dark crevices at the edges of my heart. this is a purge and it feels like i can breathe all over again. pain can be packaged up and disposed of one little bit at a time. i am getting rid of my past, getting rid of my regrets, getting rid of the things that made me hate myself. i'm getting rid of a lot of things. what is left? i don't know.
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posted at 2:48 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, April 26, 2003
i want a grilled cheese sandwich with gherkins right now, but i don't have a stove that works in order to make that, and i don't have a jar of gherkins.
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posted at 10:05 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Friday, April 25, 2003
here's some moby goodness:
ok, here's a little question for you...
how would the republican leadership deal with a democratic president who:
a-had been a cheerleader in school.
b-was a documented draft dodger.
c-had been arrested for public drunkenness.
d-had lost the election by 600,000 votes, but was president after being installed by his fathers friends in the supreme court.
e-had been best friends with the ceo of the corporation involved with the biggest instance of corporate fraud EVER.
f-had invited the perpetrators of the aforementioned fraud to the white house to set policy.
g-had long standing family ties with saudi arabia and the bin laden family.
h-allowed a private jet to fly around the united states after september 11 to pick up members of the bin laden family and return them to saudi arabia without being questioned by the fbi.
i-had presided over the steepest drop in the stock market and the greatest rise in unemployment figures of any president in the last 60 years.
j-bombed afghanistan looking for osama bin laden and never found him.
k-bombed iraq looking for saddam hussein and weapons of mass destruction and found neither.
l-proposed a 700 billion $ tax break for the wealthiest americans and planned on paying for it by cutting money to the police, fire departments, education, etc.
m-had members of his administration who had long standing ties to racist and white-supremacist organizations.
n-had a vice president who had been in business with the bin laden family.
and so on.
how would the republicans and the conservative media deal with george bush jr. if he were a democrat?
they would roast him alive and would probably impeach him.
i write this as a reminder that:
1-the democratic party in the united states is pathetic for not drawing more attention to the fact that bush and his cabinet are corrupt and inept.BR>2-george bush jr. is still a terrible president with a terrible record.
don't forget. especially when it comes time to vote in the next presidential election.
thanks,
moby
all i have to say is: howard dean for president in 2004 :-D
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posted at 12:04 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
awww, i just read that camryn manheim is dating anne cusack. that is sooooooo cute. lesbian couples are adorable! of course i mean that in a non-sexual way, as its kind of a turn off for me to think of them in any other way, but i think its so cool that they are dating :-D
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posted at 11:50 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Thursday, April 24, 2003
i just had a really short conversation with my ex-boyfriend nick, and ya, i just feel weird talking to him. it lasted all of ten seconds, but ya i've been thinking about this a lot lately and it was weird going from talking to him everyday to barely at all. i think it really hurt when it happened (the break-up) and i dealt with it, but he was a person i wanted in my life whether we were together or not, and now he isn't and it bothers me at some level. simply because i don't think he cares enough to say hi when like nine months ago we were dating and seeing one another everyday. i don't want to be back with him, i just want to know that our relationship actually meant something to him more than a quick 'hi' once every few months.
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posted at 10:00 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
so ya, i'm not really studying right now. i just can't bring myself to opening my books. well, i shall get around to it after watching madonna on will and grace. anyway, i just heard about the dawson's creek series finale, and i think i'm going to watch it. i haven't seen the show in quite a while, but i really loved it in high school. seeing jack for the limited amount of screen time he got each episode really helped. there were so few gay role models on the telly (despite the fact that kerr smith, who plays jack, is straight in real life), especially ones who happen to be in high school, that he was one of the few ways out of the loneliness i felt everyday. the other show that i really watched was the reality show american high, because there was a gay guy (brad) on that, and it was real life, so it was nice to see him every week. i don't know him obviously, but i felt normal when i sat and watched it. i remember finally getting to see the last episode of it last year in rez with mike when we were still dating and crying at the end of it not just because i felt like everything was ok, but because i was seeing him leave high school in a way i never got to. i never was out to my school. lots of people (aka pretty much my entire class) knew that i am gay, but i never got to say it. i never got to stand up and say that i am proud of who i am, that i was sick of taking their shit, and that i didn't give a damn how any of them viewed me. they never got to see who i really am, as i am today, open, proud and just free. they saw the little depressed boy who desperately wanted not to feel like a freak, not to feel alone. i cried because i had lost so much.
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posted at 9:18 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
and just when i thought the music world had gone to hell i put on powderfinger and my faith in music is restored. they better come out with a new album soon :-D
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posted at 4:55 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
it is a very sad day in music news - sinead o'connor is retiring from making music. this pisses me off because i love her work a lot, and despite the fact that she seems to be slightly insane, or at least a little mad, i wish she would make more.
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posted at 4:45 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'weapon' by matthew good
well, i am moving in a week to my new apartment. i feel so weird right now because my second year of university will be over in less than a week. like its gone so quick this far and i just want to hold onto a piece of it for a while. i can feel time slipping from my fingers and i want to grab on and hold tight. i don't want this to be over yet. two years can go in the blink of an eye, and i don't want to lose this. despite the fact that i can get really depressed at times and crap, university really has been the best time of my life. i don't want it to end...
its going to be sad to say goodbye to people for the summer. some of my friends are leaving this weekend. that is sooooooo soon. i feel weird being one of the few people not going anywhere. nonetheless this summer is going to be really good.
would you like to run faster
but you know there's no way
there’s only enthusiasts anywhere today
and should the hope 'round the corner
prove quite a surprise
there’s a man with a card saying
"don’t be sick, don’t be old, don’t be ordinary, otherwise"
I don’t feel so good today, Well I fall down
it pays to keep your eyes open
read beneath what they say
this is all one great big lie
just like Australia day
and the crowd are out watching
the fireworks in the rain
they all do nothing, say nothing
silence is lying
I don't feel so good today, then I fall down
then I stumble away, stumble away
I wish that I may, and I wish that I might
keep my head and my nerve if the fight is a good fight
should the hope round the corner prove quite a surprise
and there’s a man with a card saying
"don’t be sick, don't be old, don’t be ordinary
otherwise..."
I don’t feel so good today, then I fall down
then stumble away, stumble away, stumble away
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posted at 8:04 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'x-static process' by madonna
this is the standout track on her new album for me. its contemplative and calm, and something we all need right now. i feel bad that madonna has gotten so much shit over the past year - she is absolutely amazing in so many ways. the amount of things she has done, the influence she has had is incredible. there is not one female musician that can touch her (except maybe cher or kylie, but thats stretching it). yay madonna. i think i need to sit down one day soon with the new album and listen to it straight through and get more of an impression of it.
so nina simone died. rest in peace nina. i'm sure she is making music wherever she is now....
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posted at 7:19 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'stumble away' by david bridie
studying sucks. a lot. so i am listening to david bridie at the same time. i love this album. i think so far this year 'hotel radio' comes in a close second as album of the year, with 'sleeping with ghosts' being the best so far. i have yet to hear the entire new blur album, or managed to sit through 'hail to the thief' by radiohead, so that may change, though i doubt it highly. '100th window' by massive attack comes in there somewhere too. that's an amazing album. i'm not overly excited by madonna's new album, as it seems to be a rather bland mixture, though there were a few songs i took too ('american life' has become very annoying). i never was a massive madonna fan though i do love a lot of her work, but sometimes listening to her seems like a chore for me rather than a pleasure. kylie on the otherhand never felt like that, and never will, though i summarily wore her out but quick. so ya, she's taking a rest. as is placebo. though i love them. did i mention that björk is coming to montréal?!
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posted at 12:00 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Sunday, April 20, 2003
music right now: 'la cienga just smiled' by ryan adams
i'm haunted by one thing most of my days - the fact that i do not know who i will end up with. i go into relationships hoping that they will last and i get so insecure because they never feel stable or anything more than temporary. i'm tired of that. it hurts waking up and lying alone. i miss lauro. i miss just being pressed against his back as we drift off to sleep. i miss kissing him. i miss the look in his eyes or the half smile he gives me. i just miss being with him.
the sky is breaking...
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posted at 1:17 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, April 19, 2003
music right now: 'time' by chantal kreviazuk
ugh, i feel sick right now. i have to stop drinking so much. then again i only drink once a week if that, but i mean in terms of quantity, not the number of times a week. so ya. unity was ok. prior to that i saw 'the pianist' with mike and his friends, and i cried so much in it. i sat there thinking that this inhumane treatment of people is occurring right now in the world and what right do i have to sit here in peace and security while children are starving and being killed every minute?
so ya, unity was ok, but one thought was in my mind: 'it would be better with lauro'. now dancing is fun, but i didn't want to be there alone. i miss lauro. but i am happy at the same time. i'm not sure why. i looked at the clock half an hour ago and realised a week ago i was an hour from him. i'm far away from him now, but i feel closer to him than ever because of our conversation on wednesday night.
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posted at 3:59 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Thursday, April 17, 2003
music right now: 'spiegel im spiegel' by arvo pärt
i had a really long conversation with lauro on AIM tonight. i feel better about things. i of course won't mention what we talked about, because that is between him and i alone, but i feel better about things, and i know that showing him sides of myself i don't show any one else is not necessarily a bad thing. its gotten me into trouble in relationships before (i.e. either made people judge me or made me push people away), but this is different. i am going to bed.
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posted at 2:22 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
i just did an ink blot test. its said:
Clinton, your unconscious mind is driven most by Love
Everyone has a desire to love. But your desire is rooted very deeply in your unconscious and affects many of the decisions you make in life — whether you are aware of it or not.
You have an energy about you that inspires people to experience their true feelings of love and act kindly towards others. In this way, you and your drive for loving relationships start a chain reaction of positive experiences.
The reason you are driven by love, may be because your unconscious is trying to avoid the opposite of love — hate. You, more than others, may be afraid of experiencing severe discord with others. That may, in turn, heavily influence your choices about relationships and the way you communicate your ideas, wants, and desires to others.
With such a strong orientation towards loving others, your relationships hold a very special place in your life. Your capacity to love may be greater than those around you, and therefore you may have more to give in relationships than your romantic partner does. Remember that this is a gift you have and one most others don't possess.
Though your unconscious mind is driven most strongly by Love, there is much more to who you are at your core.
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posted at 2:09 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, April 14, 2003
music right now: 'mOBSCENE' by marilyn manson
i have decided i really really enjoy this song. i am listening to it for the first time, and it definitely rocks. i am sort of a fan of marilyn manson from his previous albums, and this sounds cool. i like the chorus of children cheering like cheerleaders, going 'be obscene, be be obscene'. very cool. its not a tremendous change from his previous stuff, but i like.
and now i shall listen to 'feel' by robbie williams. i love this song. i was just on MSN and they have free streaming, so its cool. i'm writing from lauro's laptop right now and i don't really want to download anything to his computer, so its cool that i can stream stuff.
so ya, everything is cool in ithaca. i have also decided i really really like this town. its pretty and very liberal from what i have seen and from what lauro has told me. its quaint. its pretty. its the type of place i could live later in life if i'm like a prof or something. ooooh, i could teach at cornell in like twenty years. that would be interesting. i have absolutely no idea where i am going in life right now, and that normally makes me very nervous, but as of now, with the sun streaming in the window, the amazing weather, and just chilling with my boyfriend whom i like a whole lot i don't particularly care where i am going. i just know that the ride there is a lot of fun.
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posted at 3:15 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, April 12, 2003
music right now: 'feels like home' by chantal kreviazuk
well, i'm off to ithaca for a few days. i'll post again on wednesday or thursday.
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posted at 4:48 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'troy' by sinead o'connor
tonight was interesting to say the least. it was mikey's birthday celebration. first him and i went to see chantal kreviazuk in concert. she was amazing, she has such a fucking powerful voice. i so with i could sing like that. i wish i could sing :-( and the opening act, jason mraz, was really good. he's so hot. before the show he was like a metre away from me! i cannot believe i got that close to him. it was awesome. mmmmm i'd like to shag him. too bad he's straight lol. oh well, lauro is hotter :-D
after the concert mikey and i went back to his place and then met with a bunch of his friends and went to vocalz. it was a really fun time overall, but it sucked seeing him get absolutely trashed. i felt bad. lol at one point he made out with like everyone. i was not immune to that, but oh well. it was all in good fun. its not like he meant anything by it. it was good to chill with him again. i miss him sometimes. like i think he is one of the most amazing people i've ever had the pleasure of knowing. everyone in life has a path they want to follow, and i know we probably won't end up in the same country, let alone the same continent, but he's one of the people i want to know thirty years from now. you know when you can't fathom not knowing someone? well i don't want to not know him.. there are a few other people to. i just hope life doesn't conspire against me in that way.
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posted at 4:08 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Friday, April 11, 2003
i feel like posting the lyrics to 'for what its worth' by the cardigans, and since this is my blog, you have no say :-P
for what its worth by the cardigans
Hey baby come round
keep holding me down
and I'll be keeping you up tonight.
The four letter word got stuck in my head
the dirtiest word that I've ever said
it's making me feel alright.
For what it's worth I love you
and what is worse I really do
oh what is worse I'm gonna run run run
'till the sweetness gets to you
and what is worse I love you!
Hey please baby come back
there'll be no more loving attack
and I'll be keeping it cool tonight.
The four letter word is out of my head
come on around get back in my bed
keep making me feel alright.
For what it's worth I like you
and what is worse I really do
things have been worse
and we had fun fun fun
'til I said I love you
and what is worse I really do!
For what it's worth I love you
and what is worse I really do...
...
posted at 6:30 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Thursday, April 10, 2003
music right now: 'come around' by david bridie
i have been stuck in term paper hell for the past few days and i just finished my final one, so now i am freeeeeeeeeeee! i have a russian presentation tomorrow morning which will not be too fun, but i'll be glad to get that out of the way. spanish will be a joke like normal, and i am considering skipping my final can. lit conference because we were supposed to do a group project yet my group did not email me. twats. i have to go see prof. trehearne tomorrow to pass in a portfolio of poems that i am submitting as my application to the creative writing workshop he is teaching. i sooooo hope i get in. i'm afraid my poetry is a little too derivitive for him, and most are focused on boys (what else), so who knows. tomorrow night is the chantal kreviazuk concert and then mike's b-day at vocalz. should be fun, even if only for a laugh. i have to buy my bus ticket to ithaca tomorrow afternoon. i can't wait to kiss lauro. just thinking of the look on his face whenever i first see him, whether it being after i get off a train/bus, or him arriving at my door makes me smile endlessly. :-D
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posted at 11:51 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
i'm done two papers as of right now with one more to go. hurrah!
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posted at 10:10 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
music right now: 'alexandra leaving' by leonard cohen
so, things are good. i talked for like two hours with vicky tonight on the phone and i think we're getting back to where we want to be. i don't want to lose her - i swear she is like a sister to me and i don't want that relationship to be gone. she infuriates me sometimes, but only because we are a lot alike in ways. she is stubborn, and so am i. but i think we'll be all right.
i just feel like writing right now. i did a lot of work tonight, i have a headache the size of france, and mon dieu i just want to get this week over with. like i am definitely looking forward to friday and stuff - seeing chantal kreviazuk with mike will be cool and going to vocalz will be interesting (i am NOT singing), but i really am more looking forward to seeing lauro and kissing him again. i need that feeling again, even if it is for only a few days. i care a lot about him, and things are going well. i don't know why i keep thinking about our relationship and him and stuff, but that must be a sign that he means more to me than just a normal relationship. had he been any other person i don't think i could survive a long distance relationship. with him its hard, but worth it.
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posted at 2:04 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'it won't work out' by dannii minogue
this is my favourite song off her new album neon nights i do believe.
anyway, i have a huge fucking headache right now. whomever said i should drink some wine and write a paper is a total twat! (wait, i think that might have been my stupid part of my brain). i did finish the paper, which is great, but whether it is a total piece of rubbish or a great work is to be seen. so, i have the big ass paper still left to do for tomorrow (thursday). fuck, that one is going to be a trial. i've written like 1500 words of 2500, but the bitch doesn't seem to be coming together. argh. i can't wait to see lauro again. i'm going to pounce on him like nobodies business. i hope he doesn't mind me kissing him at the bus station, 'cos i don't care.
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posted at 1:38 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
"The richest love is that which lasts through time apart to someday be together."
god dammit, vicky is gonna make me cry...
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posted at 10:28 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
"If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were." - Anonymous
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posted at 10:17 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
its been a year since i started writing in this blog. i never thought it would last this long, but now i can't see stop writing any time in the foreseeable future. its part of my life.
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posted at 1:24 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
hotel radio by david bridie (you can listen to this song here - just click the QT link beside the song name)
february… one long day
I'd hardly call it summer when my skin’s so pale
two star room well that’s ok
I stay one night then move on to another place
each place I stay I hear the same wrong done
on my hotel radio
far away from the bastard few
roman pillar houses with a harbour view
I aspire to nothing it’s a regular thing’
on my hotel radio
been turning circles love the Bakerlite dial
been finding stations playing tunes I ain't heard in a while
and I've been making different pictures to the same ol songs
on my hotel radio
february one long day
I hardly call it summer when my skins so pale
I aspire to nothing it’s a regular thing
on my hotel radio
february, one long day
I hardly call it summer when my skins so pale
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posted at 1:22 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Monday, April 07, 2003
music right now: 'tender trap' by david bridie
so, after last nights melodramatic bullshit i put myself through everything is back on track. hurrah. i am celebrating by skipping class, eating chocolate, and listening to david bridie. damned aussies! they're ruining me. i swear i'm going to have to buy this album... perhaps next summer. i'm debating whether i want to forego my trip to reykjavík in summer 2004 and go to sydney and melbourne for a month instead and party it up with hot aussie boys. i really really want to go to perth too, but daniel says its too expensive to travel across the outback by train. mmmmm, still. i can't wait to go swimming at cronulla. bondi beach my ass. all the twats go there. cronulla is supposedly the best beach in sydney, so ya. and i also want to go to the gold coast and brisbane. and melbourne to see my sister and her little ones. but ewww, i hate knowing that i have a niece and a nephew (aside from the two i have here). it makes me feel old. argh! i'm... an... uncle!
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posted at 1:40 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
music right now: 'hotel radio' by david bridie
i finally got to hear this song again. i've been waiting almost a month to hear it, and i am sooooooooo happy. i love this song. its probably one of my favourite songs at the moment, if not my favourite.
but ya, i feel like shit and i want to cry. i cheated. i was kissed by another guy. i want to cry forever and ever and ever. why? not because of lauro directly or what he will think, but because i know i love him. i feel that deep inside and i am so scared of telling him that, even more scared than telling him about the kiss. the last time i told someone i loved them it ended. i don't want to tell him unless i know he loves me back. i'm scared of having him know that i love him and not knowing whether he does or not. i want to crawl up into a little ball and cry...
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posted at 1:34 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Saturday, April 05, 2003
music right now: 'all mixed up' by the red house painters
i should be sleeping right now, but my friend kyle just left. we chilled and watched coupling and the third series premiere of 'queer as folk'. i've hung out with him a lot lately, which is cool. i kind of need a friend like him at the moment. things between vicky and i haven't been the greatest as of late. we've fought like three or four times since the oscars, so ya, things are a little weird. i think the ians breaking up brought out the tension that was between us in the first place. so ya, just having kyle to chill with is great. the strange thing is he went to the same high school as my cousin torey and actually knows him on more than a 'i-know-his-name-and-face'-type basis.
i'm hungry and a little confused. i just feel odd right now, but not depressed. i need to sleep 'cos i work in like five and a half hours, but i don't think i will just yet. so ya, i'm going back to thinking.
by the way, if i haven't beaten it into your heads yet, placebo's new album is amazing. it only debuted at something like #89 in canada, which pisses me off because its the number one album in germany and france and i think spain as well right now. but then again, north america is notoriously hard to break for british bands, though canada is quite a bit easier :-) we value our british ties (well at least i do). so ya. song of the day from sleeping with ghosts = 'this picture'. its definitely one of the weaker songs on the album, but the chorus has something to it that i really really enjoy. and i need to stop listening to 'english summer rain' and the title track before i wear them out.
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posted at 2:25 a.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Friday, April 04, 2003
'somewhere out there' by our lady peace
i feel like my body is going to fall apart, alas i have to drag my broken and whithered body to conference. i am calling in sick tonight because i have to get up for work at 8am tomorrow morning, but ya, i am tired.
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posted at 1:08 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Thursday, April 03, 2003
i feel like shite right now because i think i am semi-ill, but i just read something that gets me really excited. NME wrote a review of placebo's concert at the astoria in london, and basically called them the best british band for the past decade. of course that could be taken as a rather 'whatever' type comment, but this is NME. fuck, they never like anything, so to call placebo (who's new album is number one in france and germany!) the best british band for the past decade is high praise indeed. now i just have to hope that they come to montreal sometime soon. i saw them live on their 'black market music' tour, in which idlewild(!) opened for them, so i hope they bring someone cool with them this time (*cough cough*sigur rós*cough cough*).
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posted at 2:35 p.m. by gleefully gloomy. ...
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
r.i.p. michael jeter. i had no idea he was openly gay, nor HIV+, but its still sad to hear that he died.
Reading: The Shock Doctrine: The Rise of Disaster Capitalism
Naomi Klein God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
Christopher Hitchens Copenhagen
Time Out City Guides
Seeing: Juno
Jason Reitman Annie Hall
Woody Allen There Will Be Blood
Paul Thomas Anderson
Listening to: Boxer
The National The Fountain: OST
Clint Mansell In Rainbows
Radiohead
